So I was banded last November, lost 17lbs at the beginning and not really anything since then. Well I've lost and gained the same 4lbs about fifty times. Well, yesterday was a breakthrough for me and it's only a tiny step but I managed to consume just 1100 calories. It's not a big deal for all of you dedicated dieters out there, but for me it is quite a milestone. I have not been able to do a whole day for about three years now. There is something wrong in my head, some kind of self harm mechanism that is stopping me, so for me this is a huge deal.
Comments from my Mum last week about it not working and a comment from my sister on Saturday about the size of my arse, unbelievable really, that they just don't understand that i am an addict, a food addict, but an addict nonetheless. They all think 'why can't she just lose weight'. If it was that easy I would have done it years ago. Well I have, but then I've always put it back on. I hate this battle it consumes my thoughts. I am such a capable person in so many aspects of my life but when it comes to food, I just shove it in. I don't believe that I will have a problem, I don't believe that I will stretch the pouch, it's as though I am pushing my body to the edge, like some kind of weird internal torture. God, I think I'm mental. All of this is going on inside my head, no-one knows, no-one asks, it's so crazy.
I thought I would start this diary as a way of releasing my thoughts on to paper in the hope that I can read it and put some kind of perspective on things. So here we go into Day 2, come on girl you can do this.
Comments from my Mum last week about it not working and a comment from my sister on Saturday about the size of my arse, unbelievable really, that they just don't understand that i am an addict, a food addict, but an addict nonetheless. They all think 'why can't she just lose weight'. If it was that easy I would have done it years ago. Well I have, but then I've always put it back on. I hate this battle it consumes my thoughts. I am such a capable person in so many aspects of my life but when it comes to food, I just shove it in. I don't believe that I will have a problem, I don't believe that I will stretch the pouch, it's as though I am pushing my body to the edge, like some kind of weird internal torture. God, I think I'm mental. All of this is going on inside my head, no-one knows, no-one asks, it's so crazy.
I thought I would start this diary as a way of releasing my thoughts on to paper in the hope that I can read it and put some kind of perspective on things. So here we go into Day 2, come on girl you can do this.
Just a diary
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